Admiration
by acktacky
Summary: Zell and Squall find that even through thick and thin they still admire eachother in someway... Maybe more than they expected.


**Admiration**

_Part 1: Confrontation_

Chapter One

**Disclaimer:** Guess what! I own none of the characters. They're Square-Enix's.

**Note:** I started writing this a long time ago for a doujinshi I tried drawing. But because I'm lazy, I dropped that idea, and this story. I have recently got the motivation to finish it. I mean "finish" it. It's a 3 parter with x amount of chapters each. I realize it's bad, but it's kind of different too, I suppose. Let me know what you think.. or something. Just don't be too harsh. That makes me sad.

**BIG SPOILER WARNING THOUGH! BIG BIG BIG.** So get out of here if you don't like spoilers.

* * *

As I stand here looking at the big bronze door that will lead us to the final battle of either our lives or Ultimecia's, I realize that I never really expected being a part of SeeD was going to be as difficult as it turned out to be. I'm not saying I didn't know it was going to be hard, not by a long shot. I went to Garden to kick some ass, become a SeeD, and make Ma proud. Difficulty was the name of the game, and I was willing to rise to the challenge—I always am, baby. But… Even though it took a few years of hard work, I had achieved all that. So why am I standing here in the stale air of the future, wondering if I'm going to die within the next few moments in a timeline that I don't belong to?

We had been told about the sorceress and how Garden was built to destroy the threat she caused. It wasn't some well-kept secret, but it sure as hell seemed like a rumor. I had heard teachers explain it, but I never believed it. Oh, I would think, this has nothing to do with me! I was blissfully ignorant to the fact that I there was a chance this supposed rumor could actually occur in my lifetime. I never thought that I would be out there saving the world from evil. Never once did I think I was going to be thrust into the future to fight some threat we barely knew anything about.

I'm not going to lie. I'm piss scared. I'm so scared I think I'm going to throw up, and for added measure, throw up again. Being a SeeD means being in stressful situations, but I don't think this is what anybody had really expected. The only "normal" mission we have ever been on was that mission to Timber, and even that didn't turn out to be normal. Hell, Rinoa is standing right next to me when she's supposed to back in that little cobble-stoned town trying to revolutionize it or whatever the hell she was doing. She shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be here. None of us belong here, dammit!

But I'm ready. I think I'm ready. We've come a long way in the past six months. I can't believe it's only been that long. We—Squall, Selphie, and I—became SeeDs. We went on our first mission to Timber. We met Rinoa. Rinoa followed us to Deling City, and we fought Edea and that fuck-up Seifer. Then we proceeded to be hated, loved, and tossed into more situations that far surpassed our level of ability. We're only seventeen for Hyne's sake! Why. Are. We. Here?

No. I'm ready. I'm ready, right? We're all together on this stone bridge, the glow of the lights next to the decorated door are the only sources of illumination around this depressing timeline. Quistis, Selphie, Irvine, Rinoa, Me… And Squall. Hyne, he makes us all look like scared little animals, which I guess is a fact, but I still can't help but wonder how he manages to keep that look about him. I'm feeling less ready than before. I can imagine Ultimecia is in there laughing at us right now.

"Zell," Squall says as he leans up against the walled side of the bridge. The rest of the team turns their heads as if all their names have magically turned into mine. We wait for him to continue. There's something going on in his head. His eyebrows are getting closer together and his mouth keeps getting smaller. I haven't seen his face do that before. Maybe he really is as nervous as the rest of us. "Zell, unjunction yourself."

Have you ever gotten one of those sinking chills through your body? The feeling that you've done something wrong, but it pisses you off more than it scares you? Well, I just got one of those feelings, and I find that I need to control myself from jumping on Squall and punching him really hard in the head. I see from the corner of my eye that Rinoa is looking at me and waiting for me to say something. She knows just as much I do. We've come together through Ultimacia's Castle as a team—Squall, Rinoa, and I. We're unstoppable. Why would he take me out of his team!

I can control it. I can do this. So, instead of being violent, I channel it in words to express how utterly pissed off and offended I am, "Fuck no!" Selphie covers her ears and hides into Irvine's coat. "Fuck. No."

"Zell. Switch with Irvine," Squall says. I know that's all he's going to say about it. I can sit here and bitch and complain all I want, but I know we aren't going to go anywhere if I don't switch with the cowboy. Fucking… Cowboy…

"Squall!" I protest one last time. I try to look straight at him, but his gaze is elsewhere—and he says I'm immature. "This is crazy. Just, crazy," I mutter. Suddenly, I feel very weak and very sick. I rush to the edge of the bridge Squall is leaning on and hang my head over it and close my eyes. I try to breathe, but I'm just too nervous, angry, and devastated to.

I hear Leviathan crying in my skull as it snakes its way out of my head and into its new owner's.

Shit. Maybe it was greedy of me to _want_ to put my life on the line for these guys. Hell, maybe it was greedy of me to want to risk my life for the sake of everybody on the planet. But I still wanted to do it. I don't want Irvine to take what I had going for me. I don't want him taking my place next to Squall.

I open my eyes and look off the edge of the bridge. There's nothing down there. Just like there's nothing in my head. There's no bottom to be seen, no strength to be had. What a hellhole. How did I let myself become so reliant on guardian forces and magic?

Something touches my shoulder, but I don't move. "Zell, we're going in." It's Rinoa. There's a long silence and I can hear Squall's boots tapping further away. Every step is a lashing on my pride. Woe, how worthless am I!

"He told me to unjunction too." I look up into Rinoa's chocolate eyes. "He… Zell, we need to try our best." So she knows how I feel. We're both confused and lost and powerless. At least I'm not alone now.

Together we head through the big doors. My stomach jumps into my mouth, and before I can think, I grab Rinoa's hand and squeeze it once. She looks at me and smiles. I'm so pumped up with adrenaline and determination to prove Squall wrong; I'm not even human anymore.

Driving my fist into my palm, I say, "Hell yeah! Let's do this, baby!"

* * *

I was not expecting this. I feel as if I've been thrown out into a crowd of people butt-naked. Ultimecia is a pesky bitch. She dragged us all into battle haphazardly—so I'm stuck unjunctioned in between Squall and Quistis. Squall looks nervous and a bit paranoid, with good reason. There's only one junctioned team member for this fight.

Idiot! If only he had thought this through!

There's nowhere to run. I can't see anybody else in sight. We're in an empty brown ballroom with a pillar of a chair rising from the center. Before us is our ultimate enemy: the sorceress Ultimecia. She looks uglier than I expected—with the gray pointy hair, exposed chest, tattoos, and long red dress… If you can even call it a dress. I don't know if I should laugh or be scared! She has nothing on Ultima Weapon in regards to intimidation points.

So, I think I've reached a conclusion: screw this. I'm going to try. "Zell, don't try anything stupid!" Squall yells at me. He knows me too well. My muscles are tense and my body is leaned all the way forward to the point that I'm about to fall over. Already I hear Quistis screeching in pain, and it's making my vision go clear and bright. I have hawk vision. Ultimecia is in my line of sight, and I'll take her down, even if I'm not junctioned. "Zell! Don't!"

I'm gone. I dash the gap between us as if it were one step. The marble tiles below my feet provide a hazardous terrain to run on. Screeching to a stop in front of Ultimecia, I take a good long look in her golden eyes and we both smile at each other. I hear Squall yelling for me to come back. Quistis screams one last time and I hear the thud of her body hitting the marble. "Zell! Hyne! Get back here! I need you to be clear-headed for us to win!"

Clear-headed my--

Her cackle is like a million spikes being driven into my ear. Before I can even raise my fists to do some damage, she's lifted me up with her clawed hand and launched me into a pillar across the ballroom. As I hit stone, the breath is knocked out of me, and I feel my throat tearing as I scream from the pain of my ribs breaking. But I know it's not over. My body goes weightless, and I find my stomach in my sore throat again. I hit the ground from about fifteen feet up, and land on my leg awkward enough to---

OH HYNE!

"AHHHHH!" I scream. My eyes are watering. I have nobody to talk with in my head about the pain. Where are Leviathan, Eden, and Diablos? Through my darkening sight, I see Squall concentrating on the battle before him. Somehow Quistis has disappeared, and Irvine has taken her place.

I feel the tears run down my cheeks—those embarrassing streaks of water I hate to show, but can't help this time. I've been betrayed and embarrassed, and now I'm going to die because I wasn't strong enough without some stupid fucking guardian forces.

I realize that I've never been so pissed off in my entire life.

At least it was before I….


End file.
